Funny Quotes With Images – if you don’t need them at all, then congratulations- you are a very happy person living. Actually, those people are not even going to be here. But, for some sad people like myself, funny quotes are one of those basic necessities that I need. Be it to laugh at myself or be it to find words that represent the stupid people around me, funny quotes and sayings are very necessary to me. Because, in this lonely world, at least- there are some words that I could relate to. That makes me happy, that make me smile. And sometimes, they even help me to realize that I don’t need what I need- as long as I don’t need what I need. I just hope you understand what I mean.
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SHORT FUNNY QUOTES
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1. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
2. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
3. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
4. If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
5. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
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6. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
7. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
8. Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
9. Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. { Funny Quotes With Images }
10. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
11. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
12. Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
13. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
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14. When nothing is going right, go left. { Funny Quotes With Images }
15. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.
16. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
17. I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
18. Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.
19. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
20. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
21. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
22. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
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23. Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
24. At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up. { Funny Quotes With Images }
25. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
26. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
26. They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
27. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Sincerely, the floor.
28. I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
29. I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
30. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
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31. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
32. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
33. Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine.
34. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
35. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. { Funny Quotes With Images }
36. No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.
37. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
38. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. – Socrates
39. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
40. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. – Pat Sajak
41. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. – Frances McDormand
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42. Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. – Roy Lichtenstein
43. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
44. Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. { Funny Quotes With Images }
45. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.
46. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
47. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
48. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day.
49. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
50. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.
FUNNY QUOTES AND SAYINGS
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51. When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
52. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
53. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
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54. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
55. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right.
56. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
57. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
58. You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.
59. I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.
60. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. { Funny Quotes With Images }
61. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.
62. I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
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63. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. ‘Alright, get in the basket.’
64. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
65. If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
66. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
67. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
68. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
69. When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.
70. I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.
71. A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.
72. Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over. { Funny Quotes With Images }
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73. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. We have a connection.
74. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
75. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. – Walter Bagehot
76. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
77. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much.
78. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing.
79. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
80. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans.
81. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
82. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. { Funny Quotes With Images }
83. Never ask a starfish for directions.
84. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?
85. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
86. Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
87. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.
88. If only common sense were more common.
89. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
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90. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text.
91. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
92. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing.
93. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
94. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. – Albert King
95. Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.
96. I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding.
97. I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today.
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98. Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed.
99. Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.
100. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
FUNNY SARCASTIC QUOTES WITH IMAGES
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“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde { Funny Quotes With Images }
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein
“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
“If anything can go wrong, it will.” – Murphy’s Laws { Funny Quotes With Images }
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